i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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