Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
