how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Alive.
So much puke
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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