I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
