I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize