Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
