And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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