just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
