We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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