she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well you can't waste a boner
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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