How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
