The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
