your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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