I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize