Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
