Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
