I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
