I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
