Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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