If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize