haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
