No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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