does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
