Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize