Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
