fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
