I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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