Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
