I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
