She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
