so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize