So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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