if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
