I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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