so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
