my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
