on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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