Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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