i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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