I hate your face
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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