I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
