My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
