hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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