yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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