Swine flu. Run for my life!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
