DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
