i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
