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Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
