I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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