I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
