do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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