i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
