We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
