Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
