Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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