I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
