i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
