did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
