hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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