I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
