is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
