Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
