i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
