Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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