You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
