theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
