i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize