I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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