Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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