The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
